Einstein’s Secret to Amazing Problem Solving (and 10 Specific Ways You Can Use It)
Einstein is quoted as having said that if he had one hour to save the world he would spend fifty-five minutes defining the problem and only five minutes finding the solution.
This quote does illustrate an important point: before jumping right into solving a problem, we should step back and invest time and effort to improve our understanding of it. Here are 10 strategies you can use to see problems from many different perspectives and master what is the most important step in problem solving: clearly defining the problem in the first place!
The Problem Is To Know What the Problem Is
The definition of the problem will be the focal point of all your problem-solving efforts. As such, it makes sense to devote as much attention and dedication to problem definition as possible. What usually happens is that as soon as we have a problem to work on we’re so eager to get to solutions that we neglect spending any time refining it.
What most of us don’t realize — and what supposedly Einstein might have been alluding to — is that the quality of the solutions we come up with will be in direct proportion to the quality of the description of the problem we’re trying to solve. Not only will your solutions be more abundant and of higher quality, but they’ll be achieved much, much more easily. Most importantly, you’ll have the confidence to be tackling a worthwhile problem.
Problem Definition Tools and Strategies
The good news is that getting different perspectives and angles in order to clearly define a problem is a skill that can be learned and developed. As such, there are many strategies you can use to perfect it. Here are the 10 most effective ones I know.
1. Rephrase the Problem
When a Toyota executive asked employees to brainstorm “ways to increase their productivity”, all he got back were blank stares. When he rephrased his request as “ways to make their jobs easier”, he could barely keep up with the amount of suggestions.
Words carry strong implicit meaning and, as such, play a major role in how we perceive a problem. In the example above, ‘be productive’ might seem like a sacrifice you’re doing for the company, while ‘make your job easier’ may be more like something you’re doing for your own benefit, but from which the company also benefits. In the end, the problem is still the same, but the feelings — and the points of view — associated with each of them are vastly different.
Play freely with the problem statement, rewording it several times. For a methodic approach, take single words and substitute variations. ‘Increase sales’? Try replacing ‘increase’ with ‘attract’, ‘develop’, ‘extend’, ‘repeat’ and see how your perception of the problem changes. A rich vocabulary plays an important role here, so you may want to use a thesaurus or develop your vocabulary.
2. Expose and Challenge Assumptions
Every problem — no matter how apparently simple it may be — comes with a long list of assumptions attached. Many of these assumptions may be inaccurate and could make your problem statement inadequate or even misguided.
The first step to get rid of bad assumptions is to make them explicit. Write a list and expose as many assumptions as you can — especially those that may seem the most obvious and ‘untouchable’.
That, in itself, brings more clarity to the problem at hand. But go further and test each assumption for validity: think in ways that they might not be valid and their consequences. What you will find may surprise you: that many of those bad assumptions are self-imposed — with just a bit of scrutiny you are able to safely drop them.
For example, suppose you’re about to enter the restaurant business. One of your assumptions might be ‘restaurants have a menu’. While such an assumption may seem true at first, try challenging it and maybe you’ll find some very interesting business models (such as one restaurant in which customers bring dish ideas for the chef to cook, for example).
3. Chunk Up
Each problem is a small piece of a greater problem. In the same way that you can explore a problem laterally — such as by playing with words or challenging assumptions — you can also explore it at different “altitudes”.
If you feel you’re overwhelmed with details or looking at a problem too narrowly, look at it from a more general perspective. In order to make your problem more general, ask questions such as: “What’s this a part of?”, “What’s this an example of?” or “What’s the intention behind this?”.
For a detailed explanation of how this principle works, check the article Boost Your Brainstorm Effectiveness with the Why Habit.
Another approach that helps a lot in getting a more general view of a problem is replacing words in the problem statement with hypernyms. Hypernyms are words that have a broader meaning than the given word. (For example, a hypernym of ‘car’ is ‘vehicle’). A great, free tool for finding hypernyms for a given word is WordNet (just search for a word and click on the ‘S:’ label before the word definitions).
4. Chunk Down
If each problem is part of a greater problem, it also means that each problem is composed of many smaller problems. It turns out that decomposing a problem in many smaller problems — each of them more specific than the original — can also provide greater insights about it.
‘Chunking the problem down’ (making it more specific) is especially useful if you find the problem overwhelming or daunting.
Some of the typical questions you can ask to make a problem more specific are: “What are parts of this?” or “What are examples of this?”.
Just as in ‘chunking up’, word substitution can also come to great use here. The class of words that are useful here are hyponyms: words that are stricter in meaning than the given one. (E.g. two hyponyms of ‘car’ are ‘minivan’ and ‘limousine’). WordNet can also help you finding hyponyms.
5. Find Multiple Perspectives
Before rushing to solve a problem, always make sure you look at it from different perspectives. Looking at it with different eyes is a great way to have instant insight on new, overlooked directions.
For example, if you own a business and are trying to ‘increase sales’, try to view this problem from the point of view of, say, a customer. For example, from the customer’s viewpoint, this may be a matter of adding features to your product that one would be willing to pay more for.
Rewrite your problem statement many times, each time using one of these different perspectives. How would your competition see this problem? Your employees? Your mom?
Also, imagine how people in various roles would frame the problem. How would a politician see it? A college professor? A nun? Try to find the differences and similarities on how the different roles would deal with your problem.
6. Use Effective Language Constructs
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula for properly crafting the perfect problem statement, but there are some language constructs that always help making it more effective:
Assume a myriad of solutions. An excellent way to start a problem statement is: “In what ways might I…”. This expression is much superior to “How can I…” as it hints that there’s a multitude of solutions, and not just one — or maybe none. As simple as this sounds, the feeling of expectancy helps your brain find solutions.
Make it positive. Negative sentences require a lot more cognitive power to process and may slow you down — or even derail your train of thought. Positive statements also help you find the real goal behind the problem and, as such, are much more motivating.
For example: instead of finding ways to ‘quit smoking’, you may find that ‘increase your energy’, ‘live longer’ and others are much more worthwhile goals.
Frame your problem in the form of a question. Our brain loves questions. If the question is powerful and engaging, our brains will do everything within their reach to answer it. We just can’t help it: Our brains will start working on the problem immediately and keep working in the background, even when we’re not aware of it.
If you’re still stuck, consider using the following formula for phrasing your problem statement:
“In what ways (action) (object) (qualifier) (end result)?”
Example: In what ways might I package (action) my book (object) more attractively (qualifier) so people will buy more of it (end result)?
7. Make It Engaging
In addition to using effective language constructs, it’s important to come up with a problem statement that truly excites you so you’re in the best frame of mind for creatively tackling the problem. If the problem looks too dull for you, invest the time adding vigor to it while still keeping it genuine. Make it enticing. Your brain will thank (and reward) you later.
One thing is to ‘increase sales’ (boring), another one is ‘wow your customers’. One thing is ‘to create a personal development blog’, another completely different is to ‘empower readers to live fully’.
8. Reverse the Problem
One trick that usually helps when you’re stuck with a problem is turning it on its head.
If you want to win, find out what would make you lose. If you are struggling finding ways to ‘increase sales’, find ways to decrease them instead. Then, all you need to do is reverse your answers. ‘Make more sales calls’ may seem an evident way of increasing sales, but sometimes we only see these ‘obvious’ answers when we look at the problem from an opposite direction.
This seemingly convoluted method may not seem intuitive at first, but turning a problem on its head can uncover rather obvious solutions to the original problem.
9. Gather Facts
Investigate causes and circumstances of the problem. Probe details about it — such as its origins and causes. Especially if you have a problem that’s too vague, investigating facts is usually more productive than trying to solve it right away.
If, for example, the problem stated by your spouse is “You never listen to me”, the solution is not obvious. However, if the statement is “You don’t make enough eye contact when I’m talking to you,” then the solution is obvious and you can skip brainstorming altogether. (You’ll still need to work on the implementation, though!)
Ask yourself questions about the problem. What is not known about it? Can you draw a diagram of the problem? What are the problem boundaries? Be curious. Ask questions and gather facts. It is said that a well-defined problem is halfway to being solved: I would add that a perfectly-defined problem is not a problem anymore.
10. Problem-Solve Your Problem Statement
I know I risk getting into an infinite loop here, but as you may have noticed, getting the right perspective of a problem is, well, a problem in itself. As such, feel free to use any creative thinking technique you know to help. There are plenty to choose from:
You may want to give yourself an Idea Quota of problem statements. Or write a List of 100 problems to solve. SCAMPER your problem definition. These are just some of dozen techniques you can try.
Of course, how much effort you invest in defining the problem in contrast to how much effort you invest in solving your actual problem is a hard balance to achieve, though one which is attainable with practice.
Personally, I don’t think that 55 minutes of defining a problem versus 5 minutes acting on it is usually a good proportion. The point is that we must be aware of how important problem defining is and correct our tendency to spend too little time on it.
In fact, when you start paying more attention to how you define your problems, you’ll probably find that it is usually much harder than solving them. But you’ll also find that the payoff is well worth the effort.
References:
Einstein’s Portrait: Yousuf Karsh.
Einstein’s Quote: Cracking Creativity.
اتفاق ميں برکت ہے
ايک بڑے مياں جنہوں نے اپني زندگي ميں بہت کچھ کمايا بنايا تھا۔ آخر بيمار ہوئے، مرض الموت ميں گرفتار ہوئے۔ ان کو اور تو کچھ نہیں، کوئي فکر تھي تو يہ کہ ان کے پانچوں بيٹوں کي آپس میں نہیں بنتي تھي۔ گاڑھي کيا پتلي بھي نہیں چھنتي تھي۔ لڑتے رہتے تھے کبھي کسي بات پر اتفاق نہ ہوتا تھا حالانکہ اتفاق ميں بڑي برکت ہے۔
آخر انہوں نے بيٹوں پر اتحاد و اتفاق کي خوبياں واضح کرنے کے لئے ايک ترکيب سوچي۔ ان کو اپنے پا س بلايا اور کہا ۔ ديکھو اب میں کوئي دم کا مہمان ہوں سب جا کر ايک ايک لکڑي لاؤ۔
ايک نے کہا۔ لکڑي؟ آپ لکڑيوں کا کيا کريں گے؟ دوسرے نے آہستہ سے کہا ۔بڑے مياں کا دماغ خراب ہو رہا ہے۔ لکڑي نہیں شايد ککڑي کہہ رہے ہیں، ککڑي کھانے کو جي چاہتا ہوگا۔ تيسرے نے کہا نہیں کچھ سردي ہے شايد آگ جلانے کو لکڑياں منگاتے ہوں گے ۔ چوتھے نے کہا بابو جي کوئلے لائيں؟ پانچويں نے کہا نہیں اپلے لاتا ہوں وہ زيادہ اچھے رہيں گے۔
باپ نے کراہتے ہوئے کہا ارے نالائقو میں جو کہتا ہوں وہ کرو۔ کہیں سے لکڑياں لاؤ جنگل سے۔ ايک بيٹے نے کہا۔ يہ بھي اچھي رہي، جنگل يہاں کہا؟ اور محکمہ جنگلات والے لکڑي کہاں کاٹنے ديتے ہيں۔
دوسرے نے کہا آپنے آپے ميں نہیں ہيں بابو جي بک رہے ہيں جنون ميں کيا کيا کچھ۔ تيسرے نے کہا بھئي لکڑيوں والي بات اپُن کي تو سمجھ میں نہیں آئي۔
چوتھے نے کہا۔ بڑے مياں نے عمر بھر ميں ايک ہي تو خواہش کي ہے اسے پورا کرنے ميں کيا حرج ہے؟ پانچويں نے کہا اچھا میں جاتا ہوں ٹال پر سے لکڑياں لاتا ہوں۔ چنانچہ وہ ٹال پرگيا، ٹال والے سے کہا خان صاحب ذرا پانچ لکڑياں تو دينا اچھي مضبوط ہوں۔
ٹال والے نے لکڑياں ديں۔ ہر ايک خاصي موٹي اور مضبوط ۔ باپ نے ديکھا اس کا دل بيٹھ گيا۔ يہ بتانا بھي خلاف مصلحت تھا کہ لکڑياں کيوں منگائي ہيں اور اس سے کيا اخلاقي نتيجہ نکالنا مقصود ہے۔ آخر بيٹوں سے کہا۔ اب ان لکڑيوں کا گھٹا باندھ دو۔
اب بيٹوں ميں پھر چہ ميگوئياں ہوئيں،گٹھا، وہ کيوں؟ اب رسي کہاں سے لائیں بھئي بہت تنگ کيا اس بڈھے نے ۔ آخر ايک نے اپنے پاجامے ميں سے ازار بند نکالا اور گھٹا باندھا۔
بڑے مياں نے کہا۔ اب اس گھٹے کو توڑو۔ بيٹوں نے کہا۔ تو بھئي يہ بھي اچھي رہي۔ کيسے توڑيں ۔ کلہاڑا کہاں سے لائيں ۔
باپ نے کہا کلہاڑي سے نہیں ۔ہاتھوں سے توڑو گھٹنے سے توڑو۔
حکم والد مرگ مفاجات ۔
پہلے ايک نے کوشس کي ۔پھر دوسرے نے پھر تيسرے نے پھر چوتھے نے پھر پانچويں نے۔ لکڑيوں کا بال بيکا نہ ہوا۔ سب نے کہا بابو جي ہم سے نہیں ٹوٹتا يہ لکڑيوں کا گھٹا۔
باپ نے کہا اچھا اب ان لکڑيوں کو الگ الگ کر دو ، ان کي رسي کھول دو۔ ايک نے جل کر کہا رسي کہاں ہے ميرا ازار بند ہے اگر آپ کو کھلوانا تھا تو گھٹا بندھوايا ہي کيوں تھا۔ لاؤ بھئي کوئي پنسل دينا ازار بند ڈال لوں پاجامے میں۔ باپ نے بزرگانہ شفقت سے اس کي بات کو نظر انداز کرتے ہوئے کہا اچھا اب ان لکڑيوں کو توڑو ايک ايک کر کے توڑو۔
لکڑياں چونکہ موٹي موٹي اور مضبوط تھيں۔ بہت کوشش کي کسي سے نہ ٹوٹيں آخر میں بڑے بھائي کي باري تھي۔ اس نے ايک لکڑي پر گھٹنے کا پورا زور ڈالا اور تڑاخ کي آواز آئي۔
باپ نے نصيحت کرنے کے لئے آنکھيں ايک دم کھول ديں، کيا ديکھتا ہے کہ بڑا بيٹا بے ہوش پڑا ہے۔ لکڑي سلامت پڑي ہے۔ آواز بيٹے کے گھٹنے کي ہڈي ٹوٹنے کي تھي۔
ايک لڑکے نے کہا يہ بڈھا بہت جاہل ہے۔
دوسرے نے کہا۔ اڑيل ضدي۔
تيسرے نے کہا، کھوسٹ ، سنکي عقل سے پيدل، گھا مڑ۔
چوتھے نے کہا۔ سارے بڈھے ايسے ہي ہوتے ہيں کمبخت مرتا بھي نہیں۔
بڈھے نے اطمينان کا سانس ليا کہ بيٹوں ميں کم از کم ايک بات پر تو اتفاق رائے ہوا۔ اس کے بعد آنکھيں بند کيں اور نہايت سکون سے جان دے دي۔
۔۔۔ ابن انشاء ۔۔۔
آسمان
ايک بڑے مياں جنہوں نے اپني زندگي ميں بہت کچھ کمايا بنايا تھا۔ آخر بيمار ہوئے، مرض الموت ميں گرفتار ہوئے۔ ان کو اور تو کچھ نہیں، کوئي فکر تھي تو يہ کہ ان کے پانچوں بيٹوں کي آپس میں نہیں بنتي تھي۔ گاڑھي کيا پتلي بھي نہیں چھنتي تھي۔ لڑتے رہتے تھے کبھي کسي بات پر اتفاق نہ ہوتا تھا حالانکہ اتفاق ميں بڑي برکت ہے۔
آخر انہوں نے بيٹوں پر اتحاد و اتفاق کي خوبياں واضح کرنے کے لئے ايک ترکيب سوچي۔ ان کو اپنے پا س بلايا اور کہا ۔ ديکھو اب میں کوئي دم کا مہمان ہوں سب جا کر ايک ايک لکڑي لاؤ۔
ايک نے کہا۔ لکڑي؟ آپ لکڑيوں کا کيا کريں گے؟ دوسرے نے آہستہ سے کہا ۔بڑے مياں کا دماغ خراب ہو رہا ہے۔ لکڑي نہیں شايد ککڑي کہہ رہے ہیں، ککڑي کھانے کو جي چاہتا ہوگا۔ تيسرے نے کہا نہیں کچھ سردي ہے شايد آگ جلانے کو لکڑياں منگاتے ہوں گے ۔ چوتھے نے کہا بابو جي کوئلے لائيں؟ پانچويں نے کہا نہیں اپلے لاتا ہوں وہ زيادہ اچھے رہيں گے۔
باپ نے کراہتے ہوئے کہا ارے نالائقو میں جو کہتا ہوں وہ کرو۔ کہیں سے لکڑياں لاؤ جنگل سے۔ ايک بيٹے نے کہا۔ يہ بھي اچھي رہي، جنگل يہاں کہا؟ اور محکمہ جنگلات والے لکڑي کہاں کاٹنے ديتے ہيں۔
دوسرے نے کہا آپنے آپے ميں نہیں ہيں بابو جي بک رہے ہيں جنون ميں کيا کيا کچھ۔ تيسرے نے کہا بھئي لکڑيوں والي بات اپُن کي تو سمجھ میں نہیں آئي۔
چوتھے نے کہا۔ بڑے مياں نے عمر بھر ميں ايک ہي تو خواہش کي ہے اسے پورا کرنے ميں کيا حرج ہے؟ پانچويں نے کہا اچھا میں جاتا ہوں ٹال پر سے لکڑياں لاتا ہوں۔ چنانچہ وہ ٹال پرگيا، ٹال والے سے کہا خان صاحب ذرا پانچ لکڑياں تو دينا اچھي مضبوط ہوں۔
ٹال والے نے لکڑياں ديں۔ ہر ايک خاصي موٹي اور مضبوط ۔ باپ نے ديکھا اس کا دل بيٹھ گيا۔ يہ بتانا بھي خلاف مصلحت تھا کہ لکڑياں کيوں منگائي ہيں اور اس سے کيا اخلاقي نتيجہ نکالنا مقصود ہے۔ آخر بيٹوں سے کہا۔ اب ان لکڑيوں کا گھٹا باندھ دو۔
اب بيٹوں ميں پھر چہ ميگوئياں ہوئيں،گٹھا، وہ کيوں؟ اب رسي کہاں سے لائیں بھئي بہت تنگ کيا اس بڈھے نے ۔ آخر ايک نے اپنے پاجامے ميں سے ازار بند نکالا اور گھٹا باندھا۔
بڑے مياں نے کہا۔ اب اس گھٹے کو توڑو۔ بيٹوں نے کہا۔ تو بھئي يہ بھي اچھي رہي۔ کيسے توڑيں ۔ کلہاڑا کہاں سے لائيں ۔
باپ نے کہا کلہاڑي سے نہیں ۔ہاتھوں سے توڑو گھٹنے سے توڑو۔
حکم والد مرگ مفاجات ۔
پہلے ايک نے کوشس کي ۔پھر دوسرے نے پھر تيسرے نے پھر چوتھے نے پھر پانچويں نے۔ لکڑيوں کا بال بيکا نہ ہوا۔ سب نے کہا بابو جي ہم سے نہیں ٹوٹتا يہ لکڑيوں کا گھٹا۔
باپ نے کہا اچھا اب ان لکڑيوں کو الگ الگ کر دو ، ان کي رسي کھول دو۔ ايک نے جل کر کہا رسي کہاں ہے ميرا ازار بند ہے اگر آپ کو کھلوانا تھا تو گھٹا بندھوايا ہي کيوں تھا۔ لاؤ بھئي کوئي پنسل دينا ازار بند ڈال لوں پاجامے میں۔ باپ نے بزرگانہ شفقت سے اس کي بات کو نظر انداز کرتے ہوئے کہا اچھا اب ان لکڑيوں کو توڑو ايک ايک کر کے توڑو۔
لکڑياں چونکہ موٹي موٹي اور مضبوط تھيں۔ بہت کوشش کي کسي سے نہ ٹوٹيں آخر میں بڑے بھائي کي باري تھي۔ اس نے ايک لکڑي پر گھٹنے کا پورا زور ڈالا اور تڑاخ کي آواز آئي۔
باپ نے نصيحت کرنے کے لئے آنکھيں ايک دم کھول ديں، کيا ديکھتا ہے کہ بڑا بيٹا بے ہوش پڑا ہے۔ لکڑي سلامت پڑي ہے۔ آواز بيٹے کے گھٹنے کي ہڈي ٹوٹنے کي تھي۔
ايک لڑکے نے کہا يہ بڈھا بہت جاہل ہے۔
دوسرے نے کہا۔ اڑيل ضدي۔
تيسرے نے کہا، کھوسٹ ، سنکي عقل سے پيدل، گھا مڑ۔
چوتھے نے کہا۔ سارے بڈھے ايسے ہي ہوتے ہيں کمبخت مرتا بھي نہیں۔
بڈھے نے اطمينان کا سانس ليا کہ بيٹوں ميں کم از کم ايک بات پر تو اتفاق رائے ہوا۔ اس کے بعد آنکھيں بند کيں اور نہايت سکون سے جان دے دي۔
۔۔۔ ابن انشاء ۔۔۔
Pain Is Unavoidable, Suffering Is Optional
If you’ve never, ever been hurt in your entire life, raise your hand. And leave this blog ASAP, because the following article is not for you. It’s for all the people who got hurt at some point in their lives. And who suffered because of that.
Suffering and pain are tied together in our minds. One is giving birth to the other. They’re like a single, osmotic being. Every time we get hurt, we suffer. And every time we suffer we create more hurt. It’s difficult to even talk about pain and suffering in a detached way, this is how deep they are buried in our subconscious mind. The mere act of reading about pain and suffering is making your brain reconnect with those feelings in this very moment.
Do you remember how you felt last time you experienced pain? What were the exact feelings? Frustration? Sorrow? Despair? Defeat? What were the words you used to describe it? Suffering? Affliction? Trauma? Grief?
Pain is one of the most avoided situations in our life. We run away from pain. We’re trying to escape the pain. To mask it, to hide from it, to cover it in superfluous, temporary indulgences. We can’t stand it. Because we don’t want to suffer.
Why Do We Suffer?
Pain is external. It’s created by things out of our control. We’ve just been hit by something. The same way we get hit by happiness, sometimes. Only this time it hurts.
Suffering is internal. It gets triggered by our own feelings and perceptions of the pain. We’re interpreting the pain in a certain way. Most of the time by resisting it.
Pain is generated by loss. Loss of confidence, loss of affection, loss of hope. Every time you get disappointed, you’re losing a dream. And it hurts. We lose things we were attached to and the main body reacts: I want that part of me back. And we get this signal under the form of pain.
Suffering, on the other part, is the attachment for what we lose. The higher the attachment, the stronger the signal we receive. Pain becomes bigger and bigger.
But, believe it or not, losing parts of ourselves is natural. This is how we grow. By losing parts of ourselves. We lose our childish body and become adults. We lose our ignorance and become knowledgeable. We lose our inhibitions and become free. Every time we lose something, we’re forced to put something in its place. We create something new. We become something new.
Our loss is the trigger for evolution. We replace the tears with something we crafted. This is how we become a new being. Most of the time a better one. Because now we know what it takes to re-create that part of our Universe.
They say you grow stronger through pain than through happiness. And that’s true. You grow faster when you have all that work to do. When you lose all your dreams and hopes, you have to get to work. Fill in the gaps. Make sure life doesn’t flow away through all those holes. Be there. Do things.
I’m not making the apology of pain as the ultimate evolutionary tool. I’m human just like you and I get hurt just like you. What I do try is to lower the suffering. Because suffering is not necessary. Pain, as hurtful as it gets, might be. But suffering is an internal artifact, a self-generated response which I have control over. I may not control pain, but I can control my own reaction to it.
By giving free way to suffering I accept to lose my energy. My whole power is hijacked by suffering. Instead of using it for creating something new on that crack, I crave for what was there before. I use my focus in a desperate attempt to freeze the Universe in the very second before the loss occurred. Like this would be possible…
I Am What I Do
Every time I get hurt, I try to see which part of me is detached. What am I losing? Is the affection of somebody? Is my confidence in somebody? Is something I took for granted but it proved to be as changeable as the whole Universe? Every loss I experience creates some pain. I know I cannot avoid it. But I also know I can create something new in that hurtful cavity of myself.
That pain is the signal I have work to do. If there’s somebody affection I lost, I start to love myself more. If there’s confidence in somebody I lost, I start to trust myself more often. If there’s something I took for granted, like when I’m disappointed by somebody, I start to make and keep new promises. All those tears are signs of unfinished work with myself.
It’s not about the other guys. The outside process of getting hurt is in fact a reflection of what’s going on inside. Blaming external conditions for my pain is just another form of suffering. The real process takes place inside.
Deep down, every pain is a pointer for something we avoided to do for a long time. We’re designed in such a way that we naturally experience growth, and most of the time we grow organically. But sometimes we get so attached that we cannot break up and grow further other than through violent actions. This is when pain occur. When we don’t want to grow anymore. At that point, a violent event blows away that part of our main body which is not necessary anymore. Forcing us to start covering it with something new, and, most important, better.
Most of my pain came in my relationships. I made bad choices. Several times. I got hurt and I’m still getting hurt. It’s nobody else’s fault. In fact, it’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a pointer that I have a lot of work to do in this area. And that work is about myself. It’s about trusting and opening. About accepting rejection, if that’s the case, and creating understanding. It’s about making peace with my own failures and my partner’s failures. About acceptance and freedom.
Desperately trying to tune out the pain by temporary indulgences won’t solve my relationships problem. The cavity will still be there until I start building something new over it.
And I’m building something new over it. I’m not making huge progress, but I’m sticking with it. Every single day.
Source: www.dragosroua.com/33-ways-to-get-and-keep-yourself-motivated
difficult time
The real questions are the ones that obtrude upon your consciousness whether you like it or not, the ones that make your mind start vibrating like a jackhammer, the ones that you “come to terms with” only to discover that they are still there. The real questions refuse to be placated. They barge into your life at the times when it seems most important for them to stay away. They are the questions asked most frequently and answered most inadequately, the ones that reveal their true natures slowly, reluctantly, most often against your will.
i cry but tears did not come out. i cry but no one see me crying.
Social Justice and Social Responsibility
“My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a ‘lone traveler’ and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude…”
The world as I see.
Einstien
We as Mortals
How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people — first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving…
The World as I See. Einstien
The Time
The pressures on people today demand learning how to time shift. When faced with obviously conflicting priorities that “cannot possibly be accomplished in the time frame,” what alternative is there other than mind-numbing stress? The first thing is to assume there is a solution that can be achieved once you get internally coherent enough to perceive it. Internal coherence is the priority and can lead to surprising time-saving convenience.
Never gonna Happen
I don’t wanna hurt you cause I don’t think it’s a virtue
But you and I have come to our end
Believe me when I tell you that I never wanna see you again
And please can you stop calling cause it’s getting really boring
And I’ve told you I don’t want to be friends
Believe me when I tell you that I never wanna see you again
How on earth could I be any more obvious?
It never really did and now it’s never gonna happen with the two of us
I don’t understand what it is that you’re chasing after
But it makes me really sad to hear you sound so desperate
It just makes it harder
I can see how it’s confusing — it could be considered using
When I call you up straight out of the blue
But I don’t understand what else a girl in my position’s to do
Now I know you feel betrayed but it’s been weeks since I got laid
This doesn’t mean that I don’t think you’re a fool
But I don’t understand what else a girl in my position’s to do
How on earth could I be any more obvious?
It never really did and now it’s never gonna happen with the two of us
I don’t understand what it is that you’re chasing after
But it makes me really sad to hear you sound so desperate
It just makes it harder
I know it’s rather ugly cause I know that you still love me
And this isn’t any kind of excuse
I don’t love you, I don’t love you…
How on earth could I be any more obvious?
It never really did and now it’s never gonna happen with the two of us
I don’t understand what it is that you’re chasing after
But it makes me really sad to hear you sound so desperate
It just makes it harder
