Pain Is Unavoidable, Suffering Is Optional
If you’ve never, ever been hurt in your entire life, raise your hand. And leave this blog ASAP, because the following article is not for you. It’s for all the people who got hurt at some point in their lives. And who suffered because of that.
Suffering and pain are tied together in our minds. One is giving birth to the other. They’re like a single, osmotic being. Every time we get hurt, we suffer. And every time we suffer we create more hurt. It’s difficult to even talk about pain and suffering in a detached way, this is how deep they are buried in our subconscious mind. The mere act of reading about pain and suffering is making your brain reconnect with those feelings in this very moment.
Do you remember how you felt last time you experienced pain? What were the exact feelings? Frustration? Sorrow? Despair? Defeat? What were the words you used to describe it? Suffering? Affliction? Trauma? Grief?
Pain is one of the most avoided situations in our life. We run away from pain. We’re trying to escape the pain. To mask it, to hide from it, to cover it in superfluous, temporary indulgences. We can’t stand it. Because we don’t want to suffer.
Why Do We Suffer?
Pain is external. It’s created by things out of our control. We’ve just been hit by something. The same way we get hit by happiness, sometimes. Only this time it hurts.
Suffering is internal. It gets triggered by our own feelings and perceptions of the pain. We’re interpreting the pain in a certain way. Most of the time by resisting it.
Pain is generated by loss. Loss of confidence, loss of affection, loss of hope. Every time you get disappointed, you’re losing a dream. And it hurts. We lose things we were attached to and the main body reacts: I want that part of me back. And we get this signal under the form of pain.
Suffering, on the other part, is the attachment for what we lose. The higher the attachment, the stronger the signal we receive. Pain becomes bigger and bigger.
But, believe it or not, losing parts of ourselves is natural. This is how we grow. By losing parts of ourselves. We lose our childish body and become adults. We lose our ignorance and become knowledgeable. We lose our inhibitions and become free. Every time we lose something, we’re forced to put something in its place. We create something new. We become something new.
Our loss is the trigger for evolution. We replace the tears with something we crafted. This is how we become a new being. Most of the time a better one. Because now we know what it takes to re-create that part of our Universe.
They say you grow stronger through pain than through happiness. And that’s true. You grow faster when you have all that work to do. When you lose all your dreams and hopes, you have to get to work. Fill in the gaps. Make sure life doesn’t flow away through all those holes. Be there. Do things.
I’m not making the apology of pain as the ultimate evolutionary tool. I’m human just like you and I get hurt just like you. What I do try is to lower the suffering. Because suffering is not necessary. Pain, as hurtful as it gets, might be. But suffering is an internal artifact, a self-generated response which I have control over. I may not control pain, but I can control my own reaction to it.
By giving free way to suffering I accept to lose my energy. My whole power is hijacked by suffering. Instead of using it for creating something new on that crack, I crave for what was there before. I use my focus in a desperate attempt to freeze the Universe in the very second before the loss occurred. Like this would be possible…
I Am What I Do
Every time I get hurt, I try to see which part of me is detached. What am I losing? Is the affection of somebody? Is my confidence in somebody? Is something I took for granted but it proved to be as changeable as the whole Universe? Every loss I experience creates some pain. I know I cannot avoid it. But I also know I can create something new in that hurtful cavity of myself.
That pain is the signal I have work to do. If there’s somebody affection I lost, I start to love myself more. If there’s confidence in somebody I lost, I start to trust myself more often. If there’s something I took for granted, like when I’m disappointed by somebody, I start to make and keep new promises. All those tears are signs of unfinished work with myself.
It’s not about the other guys. The outside process of getting hurt is in fact a reflection of what’s going on inside. Blaming external conditions for my pain is just another form of suffering. The real process takes place inside.
Deep down, every pain is a pointer for something we avoided to do for a long time. We’re designed in such a way that we naturally experience growth, and most of the time we grow organically. But sometimes we get so attached that we cannot break up and grow further other than through violent actions. This is when pain occur. When we don’t want to grow anymore. At that point, a violent event blows away that part of our main body which is not necessary anymore. Forcing us to start covering it with something new, and, most important, better.
Most of my pain came in my relationships. I made bad choices. Several times. I got hurt and I’m still getting hurt. It’s nobody else’s fault. In fact, it’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a pointer that I have a lot of work to do in this area. And that work is about myself. It’s about trusting and opening. About accepting rejection, if that’s the case, and creating understanding. It’s about making peace with my own failures and my partner’s failures. About acceptance and freedom.
Desperately trying to tune out the pain by temporary indulgences won’t solve my relationships problem. The cavity will still be there until I start building something new over it.
And I’m building something new over it. I’m not making huge progress, but I’m sticking with it. Every single day.
Source: www.dragosroua.com/33-ways-to-get-and-keep-yourself-motivated
We as Mortals
How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people — first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving…
The World as I See. Einstien
Avoid Negative Thinking – Choose to be Positive
Negative self-talk is a destructive habit and part of an essential defense mechanism that we often develop to protect ourselves. Many people end up talking themselves out of actions that may be scary or uncomfortable. “I can’t do this” is really just a way of saying “I don’t want to deal with the experience of doing this.” We are all strongly influenced by our feelings, often determining how and what action we ultimately take. If the feeling is uncomfortable, negative self-talk results; then we often decide not to take any action at all.
Many people assume that if a past experience produced a certain result, there is nothing they can do to change that experience in order to produce a different result. “I’ve tried every diet there is. I know what I should do; I just can’t do it.”
Please understand that you can make the choice not to repeat old patterns of eating, non-exercise, and negative thinking. You have the ability to choose the emotions you have. If you don’t like feeling guilty, frustrated, or doubtful, you can choose not to. You, and no one else, must decide what is comfortable for you. In order to become successful at making healthy choices, you must avoid negative self-talk and start practicing positive thinking.
Positive or negative self-talk plays a big part in your decisions. Be on the “look-out for negative self-talk and notice how it influences your choices; notice how it can negatively affect your efforts to change. For example, perhaps you’ve just returned from a week’s vacation where you took a break from exercise and low-fat eating. You tell yourself, “I feel so fat. I’m back where I started.” You feel guilty and frustrated. “I don’t have enough will-power to start all over again. Maybe I’m just meant to be overweight.” Feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, you give up.
First, reflect on the feelings you had before you decided to give up. You basically told yourself that the healthy habits you learned before your vacation were all for nothing and that you have to start over. Ask yourself if these feelings are reasonable. Are you really back to ground zero? Of course not. You accepted change and developed a new way of living; these skills are yours forever. The vacation might even have done you some good: everyone needs a break sometimes. Otherwise, you might have felt deprived and not really enjoyed yourself. It’s time now to tell yourself: “It felt good eating whatever I wanted and taking a break from exercising; I had a great time. But now I’m going to focus back on the low-fat, active lifestyle I was enjoying before vacation. There is no reason to beat myself up; I’ll just take it one day at a time.” Now you can rethink your previous decision and take action that will move you forward towards more positive change.
As you begin to understand your reasons for negative self-talk, you’ll find yourself recognizing it more and more quickly after it occurs. Eventually, as you practice, you’ll be able to recognize and stop negative self-talk before it interferes with your decisions.
It is very important to practice positive thinking and to remind yourself that you’re a worthwhile person whatever you do. Try to consistently acknowledge that you are making positive changes to improve your health. You should be proud of yourself. Visualize yourself as capable, happy, and confident. These positive feelings will help the process of change. Remember, there are bound to be times when you’re feeling frustrated or depressed. Positive thinkers know that these feelings are valid, and they don’t try to ignore them. Positive thinkers acknowledge and try to understand them, but they don’t blame themselves for the conditions that lead to these feelings. Good luck, stay positive, and enjoy all the wonderful benefits of a healthy lifestyle! [By Chad Tackett]
Forgive and Forget [II]
Forgiving is love’s toughest work, and love’s biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love’s power to break nature’s rule.
life as a game
Imagine in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends, and spirit – and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.
Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises from 1959-1994
مت چاہو ايسے لوگوں کو
مت چاہو ايسے لوگوں کو
جنہيں رشتوں کا احساس نہ ہو
جنہيں جزبوں کا کوئ پاس نہ ہو
اس حرس و حوس کی دنيا ميں
جنہيں پيار مہبت راس نہ ہو
زنگار ہو جن کے زہنوں پر
جو بات بھی اپنی کہہ نہ سکيں
ہو جن کو فکر سود و زياں
جو سچ کی اذيت سہہ نہ سکيں
مت سوچو ايسے لوگوں کو
مت پوجو ايسے لوگوں کو
کيا حاصل پيار عقديت سے
جب ان کو ميرا اعتبار نہيں
اس شخص کی خواہش کيسے ہو
جس شخص کے کچھ اطوار نہيں
کيا اس سے مل کر راحت ہو
جس کا کہ کوئ کردار نہيں
کل جن کو ديکھ کر جيتا تھا ،
مجھے آج ان سے بھی پيار نہيں
اب ميری سلگتی آنکھوں ميں اک غم کا بھی اظہار نہيں
اک کھو کر سو مل جائيں گے ، ميں جينے سے بيزار نہيں
سچ بول کر افسوس ہوا ، ميں جھکنے پر تيار نہيں
گر اس کو تلخ حقاءق سے اخماز ہے اخماز رہے
ميں حرف انا سے واقف ہوں ، ناراض ہے وہ ناراض رہے
مت ديکھو ايسے لوگوں کو
مت چاہو ايسے لوگوں کو
مت سوچو ايسے لوگوں کو
مت پوجو ايسے لوگوں کو
know what it knows
Remember, the mind likes to assume it “know what it knows” but often its perceptions are just not accurate. Yet strong judgments are made all the time based on limited information…When we judge someone and then adopt an attitude toward them, that shuts down other possibilities and locks us away from the insight of our hearts.
زندگی
زندگی آتی ہے اور چلی جاتی ہے۔ خوشی اور غم کا بھی یہی حال ہے۔ اپنی زندگی کی حقیقت کو جانچیں۔ اپنی زندگی میں خوشی، مسرتوں، جیت، ہار اور غم کے لمحات کو یاد کریں۔ کیا وہ وقت
مستقل تھا؟ وقت چاہے کیسا بھی ہو، آتا ہے اور چلا جاتا ہے۔
زندگیme khushiyan arzi hoti han, aur زندگی me gham mustaqil hota ha.
زندگی me Gham na chahty huay bhi milty han, aur khushi dhondhny par bhi nahi milti.
زندگی me kuch log har kar bhi jeet jaty han, aur kuch jeet kar b haar jaty han. زندگی ki ye jeet jany k bad wo log jeety jee mar jaty han.
زندگی me gham bar bar darwazy par dastak dyta ha, aur us waqt tak dyta rehta ha jab tak darwazza khul na jaye. aur زندگی me khushi sirf aik bar dastak dyti ha. agar zara b dyr ho jaye darwaza kholny me, to khafa ho kar chali jati ha. aur phir kabi nahi ati.
زندگی compromise, umeed, aur qaid ha. compromise is liye k, dosro ko khush rakhny k liye bohot kuch apna khona parta ha, aur umeed is liye k, jab har taraf andhera ho, to ik umeed hoti ha, k kal phir subah honi ha, suraj ne nikalna ha. haN ye ha k hamari saansen hamara sath dyn, any waly din tak k liye. aur qaid is liye k humari زندگی na to hamari marzi se shuru hue ha, na hamari marzi sa khatam ho ge. hum gee rahy hen aur geety ja rahyu han. زندگی enjoyment nahi han. زندگی samjhny k liye ha.
bohot kuch samjhny k liye. زندگی ka asal maqsad.
Life is not easy!
Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.
Everyone wants to live life as he/she want… but it’s not possible.
